A good, close friend of mine is highly allergic to bananas. Therefore I am calling for a unilateral ban on the fruit so that my friend and dozens and dozens of people like him will no longer be at risk of a highly volatile allergic reaction if accidentally ingested at home, in the workplace, or on vacation.

It does not matter than an entire industry will be destroyed. That thousands upon thousands of jobs will be lost. If we can keep the tragedy of a life-threatening allergic reaction from occurring just once, then isn’t it worth it?

Be dammed the fact that the millions who consume bananas on a day-to-day basis will no longer have access to them. We are talking about people’s lives here. Sure, carrying epinephrine concealed in a pocket or purse could counteract the effects of a banana related allergic reaction–but why should they HAVE to be prepared to protect themselves when banning a fruit will solve the problem and the entire future of the human race will be protected from these allergies.

I swear this sounds familiar somehow.


This Jew Shoots Guns… Y’know, I’m allergic to cherries.

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